from now on my penis is your penis
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
