it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
