Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
