not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
