tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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