Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
