i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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