no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
