NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
