Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the liver wants what the liver wants
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
