I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
