I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
