Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
