I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
