At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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