when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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