KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
