when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i've created a new STD.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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