So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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