my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
