you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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