I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
