i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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