Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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