I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
