I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
