Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just gift wrapped bread.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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