everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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