Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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