yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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