We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
