Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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