your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
