FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
