operation harelip BJ is a go
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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