i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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