They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
