Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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