oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
