somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
