Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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