I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
