Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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