I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Send help, water and tortillas.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
