puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
