I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
