I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Randomize
