I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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