Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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