I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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